This. Is. Us.

This. Is. Us.

Our Story

Both of us have always had a desire on our hearts to have and raise a big family! We both come from big families and have always been excited to embrace the chaos of our own. :) After a few years of marriage bliss, traveling, and a new home, we knew were ready! Like most couples who come to this decision, we were giddy and excited, picturing how different our lives would look in the coming year. I (of course) was already planning things out in my head.  This is what their nursery would look like...this is what we could do for their birthday...this is who they would go to school with.  Dreaming.  Hoping.  Waiting.  We continued trying to get pregnant the remainder of that year...and a little into the next...with no luck.  Still we continued to have the same desire.  To have a family.  Our prayer, hope, and faith was always for Him to fulfill the desires of our heart, in whatever way He planned for us.  We knew it was in His timing.  We knew He was in control.  But still, we longed for this to happen.   

We eventually reached out to a center here in Dallas and began the fertility process.  In the beginning, this process was much like when we started trying to get pregnant.  We were giddy and excited, filled with nothing but hope. After tests, tests, and more tests, we were cleared to begin the fertility process!  We began conservatively, as we were told that we were young, healthy, and should get pregnant fairly easily. >>>This just meant that there were no scientific signs pointing to a reason we shouldn't get pregnant.  Awesome.<<<  At first we had a few failed IUI's...but through this, we continued to have faith and remain hopeful (most of the time).  We followed our hearts and the doctors advice to move onto IVF.  We knew this was a big step, and we didn't jump into it lightly.  We knew this was going to be a huge financial mountain and we wanted to make sure we were equipped and ready.  Because this was all going to have to be paid for out of pocket, we prayed, planned, and prepared for about 6 months.  We sold our house, moved in with my parents, and saved enough so that we could get through the first round of IVF...and if financially ready to bring a baby home.  

The time had finally come for us to begin the IVF process and hopefully have some success.  (This was the most optimistic we had been since our first month of trying!) Those of you that are familiar with the IVF process know that it is ANYTHING but quick! There were SO many times that we cried "God, please QUIT teaching us patience!"  (During our first cycle, because of timing and, well science, our transfer needed to be the week of Christmas.  Y'all.  This facility is open EVERY DAY of the year...EXCEPT, the week of Christmas. Are you kidding me?)  So our transfer got pushed back another month and into January.  After what seemed like an ETERNITY of appointments and waiting, we received the phone call that WE WERE PREGNANT!!! 

We couldn't replicate the feelings we felt that day if we tried.  We finally felt like the desires of our heart had been granted and we were going to be able to start our family.  We cried, celebrated, and told our families. :)  After a weekend of nothing but excitement, I went in for my follow up blood work.  It was a Monday.  I went on to school afterwards and went about my day not thinking much about that morning.  Towards the end of the day my phone rang and I answered it casually.  The lady on the other end of the phone had no emotion in her voice and right then I knew something was wrong.  My stomach knotted up, my heart started racing, and I possibly quit breathing for a minute or two.  We were told that our blood work numbers were dropping, which would most likely result in a miscarriage.  This was EASILY the lowest point we hit throughout this entire process.  We were angry, sad, hurt, confused, and hopeless.  "Why?" was all we could think. 

From the first IVF retrieval, we had another little embryo that had been frozen.  After more prayer, more meeting with the doctors, and more tests ran, we decided to give it another try.  During this time, we found out that I had a genetic blood disorder called Factor V, which can cause blood clots to form if I get pregnant.  The good news was: 1)This was an easy fix  2)We now had this knowledge going into any pregnancy that I may have in the future.  We began administering blood thinner shots twice a day, to keep from forming a clot, in the chance I got pregnant again.  We did the 2nd IVF transfer, which again resulted in a PREGNANCY!!!...And then again, my numbers had dropped when I went in for my follow up blood work.

We had a million questions.  The doctors didn't have any answers.  They were as surprised as us.  We were completely drained.  We were drained emotionally, physically, and financially.  For the first time, we felt like we didn't know what to do next.  I started to lose hope, while Eric continued to be my rock and reassure me that we WOULD have a baby.  Although we still had the desire to be parents, we decided to take a few months off from doctors appointments, alarms, and shots.  During this time, Eric began a new job, and to our surprise, his new employer offers benefits that help cover IVF! (Before this, neither of our jobs offered any support for IVF.  We had to cover all of the expenses out of pocket.) We felt like with the financial support, we wanted to give IVF one more shot.  The doctor's still felt that our chances to get pregnant were high and were hopeful that this time things would work out. 

Things actually ended up more complicated than the previous times and we ended up having to transfer 2 fresh embryos instead of freezing like we had done in the past.  After another long 2 week wait, we got the phone call that this time it hadn't worked.  

At this point, we decided to let a few months pass without even talking about pregnancy, fertility, doctors, etc.  We knew that our hearts needed time to heal and we needed to spend some time praying and reflecting on what we should do next.  One night over dinner, we started talking about the possibility of adoption.  We talked about how both of us would feel if we walked away from fertility that day.  (Secretly we both wanted to do it, but neither of us wanted to let the other down)  As we talked more, we both started to feel a sense of joy again.  We both felt at peace walking away from fertility treatments.  And we both suddenly felt that this was our purpose.  The entire process of getting to this decision had been to prepare us and our hearts for this purpose in our lives.  All of this helped confirm in our hearts that God was directing our steps towards adoption all along.  This was never a Plan B.  It was always His Plan A.  And we couldn't be more grateful and excited for it!